This is part of a multi-blog series called “Adoption Is” for National Adoption Month 2019. Read the entire series.
“When will you have your own kids?” It’s the most unintelligent and frustrating questions that adoptive parents of all paths have to put up with. I won’t mince words, how do you respond to such an ignorant question? I usually, and probably not correctly, answer with a curt “they are mine” before moving quickly on with my life.
There’s a myth that adoption isn’t or can’t be a Plan A for a person’s life. Sure, it’s certainly not the typical path. Culture and biology dictate that babies come early (and often) in a couple’s life.
I don’t think we hardly walked in the door from our honeymoon before we got the question in the super nosy southern way, “so… when are you going to have kids???”
Why are people so fascinated by a couple’s love life? It’s creepy when you think about it.
Infertility is an incredibly painful experience for both the wife and the husband. There is a deep, biological desire to become a mother or a father. Sometimes that comes quickly and sometimes that comes much farther down the line. Sometimes couples choose not to have children. None of that should be any other person’s business.
There’s a common myth in our society that adoption is the sloppy seconds of family creation. I have heard so many that say something to the effect of, “I guess you’re not getting any younger… are you starting to think about adoption to at least have some kids?”
God, in his wisdom and timing, sets apart a certain group of people to walk the road of infertility to lead them to the wonderful world of adoption. There’s nothing any more special about this road than biological children, as I’ve said before. But, he knows that there are children, who will need this group of parents to raise them and love them as their own.
There are children in this world, who are born in situations that are difficult. They need a different set of parents to care, nurture, love and raise them. In our story, our children were raised for a time by their biological parents – and we are incredibly grateful for them – however, choices and their own struggles prevented them from continuing as their parents.
Adoption is never ideal for the child. But sometimes it is necessary. God in his mercy recognizes that and calls individuals to this path in life. I know many, many adoptive parents who work extremely hard to keep birth connections strong, enhance cultural connections and raise their children to appreciate the best of their birth family and the best of their adoptive family.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has called us to adoption, just as he calls a person to be the best accountant they can be or the best missionary, or… you get the point. When you’re on the road of infertility, it can take a while to realize, but looking back I can clearly see that adoption is his Plan A.