3 reasons why I chose foster care

There’s a thousand different paths on the adoption and foster care journey. We have friends who have adopted internationally, those who are kinship parents and those who have adopted domestically in private arrangements. The heroes (the children) need parents to meet them on each and every path. Foster care was the right choice for our family.

One day, we may have a girl’s room decked out in these colors. But for now, we’re all boy.

I wanted children

I don’t know why we have struggled with infertility for nearly 15 years. God knows. It would be an amazing life just the two of us. But like many, we wanted children.

This is bold to write: In many Christian circles, fostering or adopting for the mere fact that you want children in your home can be seen as unholy or worse.

Years ago, an elder in a church we attended told me point blank: If God thought you were fit to be a parent, he would have allowed you to have children biologically. That’s a sad, and wrong, sentiment that far too many have heard. We have love in our hearts and space in our home and it’s simply ok to want to fill both with children.

God called me to it

The desire that we had was also paired with a calling. Once upon a time, if you had asked me what a foster parent looked like I would have told you it was somebody like Carol Burnett’s character in Annie. It wasn’t until our first foster care experience in the late 2000s that we met foster parents that were like us. Meeting a family that was “normal” busted the stereotypes in my mind and eventually turned my heart toward jumping in myself. (Of course, Chrissy knew way before me, but I’ve been called stubborn.)

I believe all things happen by a divine hand. Maybe I’ll detail our exact path to foster care in a later post, but it was an exacting set of circumstances and timing that led us to that first meeting with a foster family. I’m convinced that it was crafted in such a way that another choice would have been disobedience.

Perhaps you have a different faith or core beliefs. There is still something that propels you to one path or the other. In the end, it doesn’t matter which one. There are children who need you. We take great comfort knowing that we’re making an impact right here in our own community.

Desire and calling worked hand in hand to guide us down this path.

The practicalities made sense

After those two essential elements, practical considerations confirmed the right decision. Foster care is an unfortunate result of a parent’s inability to care for a child. It’s a very practical way to stand in the gap as parents work toward reunification (the ultimate goal of foster care) or to be the gateway to a permanency in your own home.

I’m so thankful for those that adopt overseas. From navigating visa requirements to intensive travel and in-country stays, international adoption requires a level of commitment we are are unable to attain. It’s not an option for families like us, that must balance other local responsibilities.

When the opportunity to adopt from foster care presents itself, there is a world of support that comes with taking that particular plunge. Financial support, insurance and assistance obtaining services were all important considerations for us.

In the end, it’s the decision to care for another child that is important, no matter the path. Why did you decide to enter foster care? Adoption? Tell me in the comments!

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8 thoughts on “3 reasons why I chose foster care

  1. I foster because I can! And I want to! Haha so many people ask my why in the world we put ourselves through this and many believe it’s because I can’t conceive but the truth is, it’s none of their business! That point aside, we would still choose to foster because there are too many kids in need, and they didn’t ask for this, so it takes caring adults to jump in and say “I’m here because I want to be, for you”, and also, because God called me to it at just 12yrs old, He put it in my heart so how could I say no? ❤

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  2. There were many small things that put it into my heart over the years. My grandparents were foster parents when I was very little. My father was an abusive alcoholic. My mother wanted to foster and never could because of my father. I did child care for a large foster/adoptive family when I was a young single mother. My own bio daughters father disappeared because drugs called him more loudly than parenting did. Because a boy in our neighborhood who was a friend of my daughter and stepson and in foster care told us his mother’s parental rights had been terminated, and would we adopt him. His father had died while he was in foster care. After he came home (age 12), we knew we had room in our home and hearts for a girl, so we began to seek a girl who needed us. Our daughter was 6 when we found each other. Our youngest son came at age 4, bio brother of our daughter. When we found out his adoptive family backed out and returned him, we had to pursue him as he was her family, and therefore ours. It felt as if he belonged to us and as if it would be a betrayal to both of them to not allow them to be siblings once again. We had a bed for him, and the love, so why wouldn’t we.

    Everyone one of our kids had so much baggage. There was sex abuse, Fetal Alcohol damage, ADHD, PTSD, RAD, Bipolar disorder. I have been hit, bitten, kicked, etc. I know every cop in the area. I would die for my kids. Only my oldest son is estranged from us at age 27, but he has given us his two children to raise. So now we are raising a 1 year old and a 3 year old. He lives a drug induced life, but he knows that his daughters deserve a loving life and home, and that we will offer that to them.

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  3. I just started the foster care journey . I have my first placement of two little adorable daughters . It seems we will be adopting them eventually. I have one bio son and three adopted stepsons . My only little girl was born premature and died shortly after she was born. I have had many miscarriages . I wasn’t ready to give up my dream of having a daughter ( for all the frilly feminine reasons ) but my body just wouldn’t cooperate . So I knew somewhere my earthly daughter was waiting . And Ironically the girls I have was born on the due date of one of my last miscarriages that was tested and proven to be a girl !!! Don’t know if that gives anyone else the same feelings it gives me.
    I am not sure if we will be able to foster more after the adoption since our space is limited and some days I am ready to be out of the process and other days I wonder how many more children I could help

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  4. My wife and I couldn’t have kids, we decided to foster and ended up being able to adopt our little boy, it’s a roller coaster, not knowing from week to week whether they stay with you or go. Definitely has been a journey but well worth the trip!

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